Hello, Xyliacs!
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Today’s preliminary for Wednesday is a sketchy sketch of one of our new characters just walkin’ along. And then a hand. What is that IN her hand? Hmm… we shall have to wait n see.
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Thank you EVERYONE for getting us up the rankings on the Webcomic List. We started out in the 130’s and ended up in the 70’s. To kick off the new month, today’s TWC incentive is a look at the cover of the upcoming Xyliatales graphic novel Volume I!
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Also want to remind you that Tall Tale Features is kicking off our new web design today (February 1!)! Don’t miss it!
Irma Erikkson of Imy is cooking up a fantabulous site design! A few of us do a review of Rival Angels! Come see the hubbub!
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Today I’m going to delve into a subject that would fall into that ‘heavy’ category- (if we had a laugh track at Xyliatales, they would probably shut it off. 
I was actually going to post this blog a week ago. I wrote it after personally coming out of a rather intense funk also known as a depression episode, but ‘chickened out’ again (very hypocritical of me, you will see when you read this blog… A few days ago, I was told of the suicide of one of my good friends’ old high school classmates: a nice local guy, a dad with two adolescent kids, a guy smiling in his Facebook photos-some as recent as two weeks ago- and realized that here again was another person suffering in silence…another person who gave up. ANOTHER person who was maybe too ashamed to get help. So I’m posting this blog. Now.
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In the past, I used to blog about my personal challenges of dealing with depression. This is something I feel very strongly about discussing openly for a number of reasons, but I had stopped, because of someone using the stigmas and fears that I was trying to combat: I had my depression thrown at me in an extortionistic way. Essentially: “You better hope they don’t find out how ‘crazy’ you are”. I let a cruel threat stop me from being open and honest and sharing information with others for fear it could be used against me .
Well, I’m done with that. That’s exactly the kind of crap I want to fight against.
I had decided years ago when I was diagnosed with chronic depression that I was going to become a one woman wrecking crew against the stigma of mental illnesses- fighting against the dark ages mentality that promotes the shoving of conversation about depression, OCD, or bipolarity into dark closets or denying its existence for fear of being shunned or mocked or labeled. I can’t tell you how many people through the years I have talked into seeking help and support- people to whom I frankly admitted- “hey, guess what, I deal with this too” to which I am frequently met with shocked looks. “How can she have depression? She doesn’t LOOK like she does…” And that’s when I realized that my openness about the subject could actually help people, who, like I had been, were afraid to step out of the shadows and seek help because of the fear of being socially unaccepted.
Here’s the thing. Depression- OCD – manic depression- it’s not us- the people who deal with it. It’s a separate thing. It doesn’t mean we are weak of character or less of a person. Something impossibly hard to remember when you’re ‘there’. It means that we are dealing with a condition, and like any other condition, if ignored or left to grow, can often expand into something quite debilitating.
One of the best fuels for depression is the darkness of ignorance. Not talking about it. Letting it grow and inflame silently until it bowls you under. The more the subject remains taboo, or maligned, the more it’s fostered.
What I ask of you dear readers is that you help me in creating a world where it’s safe to get well. To not be ashamed if we need help for these illnesses, any more than we would be if we were diabetic, or fighting cancer.
If you suspect you may have symptoms of depression or any anxiety disorder, please talk to your family physician. If you are uninsured, there are many charities that offer sliding scales that will help make payment options affordable. Talk to a friend. Most of all, face it head on, and don’t feel shame in needing help.
If you have a friend or family member you think needs help, it can be exhausting, frightening, and even frustrating, because most psychological illness is at it’s root irrational. Try to encourage them to seek professional help. If you can, quietly listen without being judging, and let them know that you don’t blame them for how they feel. If you are willing to go the distance and really be a support person, know that this is a huge responsibility and you need to take good care of yourself if you take it on. For information on supporting a loved one with mental illness, here is a good start.
For more information on the topic of depression, and other anxiety disorders, here is a website with overview and links:
If you (or you suspect a loved one) are contemplating suicide, seek help immediately.
1-800-273-TALK (8255) A voice in the darkness can save lives.
~Thank you.
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Xyliatales On Air will be broadcasting on Sundays, along with the occasional last minute broadcast! (Just had a fun one last Thursday night!). I’m going to try for a regular time- like 7PM CST. I know some of you will find that an inconvenient time in other parts of the world- hopefully it will work for some of you! XYLIATALES ON AIR TALK SHOW SITE
Remember, you can follow my announcements on Twitter
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Please consider donating for the cause! I plan on adding new things in the coming weeks- first I will be creating a series of hi resolution downloadable character cards, with profile images and bio information! In the meantime, browse our existing wallpapers and other things. As always if you don’t receive your download, please email me directly at bji2001(at)mchsi.com.
Thank you all for visiting! Remember, that I love comments, and your feedback keeps me goin’ on this cold winter nights in Iowa!
Hugs,
~B
January 31st, 2010 at 10:17 pm
Let me tell you about being that support person – it is more exhausting, mentally and physically, than you can ever imagine. It is a frustrating, soul-sucking journey with little to no thanks. And yet, it holds the promise of a much greater reward than you can ever imagine.
Two years ago, my wife Sara was diagnosed as bi-polar with OCD. Since then, she has gone from a confident, self-assured nurse in a neo-natal intensive care unit, to someone for whom the mere thought of undertaking patient care causes such panic that she is reduced to sobbing in the corner.
I have lived that role of caretaker and support person for the mentally ill, and I continue to do so, willingly. She is my life, my love, and without her, I would be lost. There is plenty of support for the patient, as you mentioned, but there is little to none for those who choose to take care of that loved one – and this is a great tragedy. “Taking care of yourself” includes finding someone with whom you can vent your frustrations at the illogic of the disorder. In this vein, I invite anyone who is in a similar situation to email me at scascot(at)mac•com.
Thank you, Barb, for opening this subject up and allowing me to share my personal story with you and your readers.
January 31st, 2010 at 11:13 pm
As someone who also struggles with severe depression, I think it’s incredibly brave of you to speak up for yourself like this. I hate that that previous statement sounds so trite, but there’s no other way for me to say it.
Whenever you feel alone, remember you’re not. Not at all.
Keep up the great work! (in all areas of your life!)
February 1st, 2010 at 3:26 am
(Glides out of the shadowed corner)
My wife is bipolar with PTSD from VietNam.
@SCAScot: You are right in that it is very hard on the support person. For the last 24 years, I’ve had to deal with manic and depressive behavior. She has seen several psychiatrists, psychologists, had 10 years of electroconvulsive therapy, wrote bad checks which caused a few incarcerations, and alternately cycles back and forth from manic to depressive behavior. With all this help, however, she is cycling less often, and the swings are not as extreme.
This illness was not well diagnosd 30-40 years ago. It has cost her 7 marriages, a spotless Army career (until the last two years she was in), and has madeall but one of her children believe they are better off without her. But I remind everyone that just because people are ill doesn’t mean you get rid of them like a pet you no longer care for. That’s the one thing that keeps me going. Without the help of one daughter who stays with us and myself, my wife would have no one to help her.
Thank you, Barb, for allowing me to get some of this out. In a marriage, communication is essential. When one doesn’t know what will start a depressive cycle, it limits what you can talk about in normal stumbles through Life.
(Glides back into the shadowed corner)
February 1st, 2010 at 5:19 am
I’m with you, Barb. I don’t see why stress throwing my brain chemistry out of whack is any different than sugar throwing off my insulin or stress messing with my stomach acid. Let’s face it, ulcers are just depression in your stomach.
I usually don’t talk about it because it makes other people uncomfortable. I don’t care if you know stress messes me up. It messes everybody up. It just makes it harder for me to deal with it and recover afterwards. (It’s a pretty dumb disease that way. Seriously, you don’t like a situation so you make it harder for me to get out of it?)
The hardest part of depression for me is that I usually don’t realize when I’ve got it. I’m almost depressed. I’ll be depressed if things don’t change. It’s only looking back that I can see that, no really, I was depressed. If they ever invent a blood test like diabetics get, you can bet I’ll be right there monitoring my levels every day.
Until then, I just keep going as best I can. I’m climbing back up from an episode that was bad enough to throw me off my game at home and work but not severe enough to need medication for. Temporary upsets that just have to be endured are the worst for me. I actually prefer problems so bad I’m better off walking away from. Then at least, there’s something I can do besides wait. I hate waiting.
February 1st, 2010 at 8:14 am
Thank you Barb. I also wish people would understand that Depression is not a weakness of character or a “choice”. Good grief people do you think we WANT to fee this way? Is what I always want to ask them. Don’t you think we would snap out of it if we could?? oye!! For me it’s like getting stuck inside my head. Nothing reaches me when I’m experiencing a downswing, and I can’t get out. Sometimes the only way I can break the hold it has over me is to hurt myself. I wish I knew why. At first my husband thought I was doing it do get attention or to punish him in some way, but we had a long, open discussion about it and he knows now why I was doing it. I haven’t gotten to that point in a while (knock on wood! lol!) but I know that if I start feeling it coming I will go to him and say “I’m getting stuck in my head again.”
But I’ve also been on the other side as a caregiver with my best friend of some 20 odd years. I was the person she turned to when she was upset, depressed. I “held” her for almost nine months while she went through getting kicked out by her ex-husband, careening through multiple relationships and then trying to find herself afterwards. It was exhausting, draining, frustrating, but ultimately rewarding as she got back on her own two feet.
Hopefully mental illnesses, like depression, OCD, etc. will be recognized as a true illness and not something to be swept under the rug or pushed into a closet.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Thanks, Barb, for your openness and courage!
My mother relates that, when I was 7 years old, on a daily basis I would come home from school and explain that “today was the worst day of my life.” I suffered from depression from a young age! I attempted suicide a few times; I went through pharmaceuticals, psychologists, marijuana, and friends who couldn’t fathom my difficulties. Depression was all I knew for much of my life.
This story has a happy ending, though: A few years ago (in my late 20s) I discovered a wellspring of unending joy! It’s like magic– I now feel joyful every day. The circumstances of my life have not changed in any special way, I just feel happier. For so many years I never thought it possible to live this way.
What I discovered is the Art of Living programs. They teach the secrets to happiness in life, and the techniques to help get you there if there is anything standing in the way. Now I know there are three things I need to do to be happy: spiritual practices, doing service for others, and spending time with other people who are moving in the same direction.
Occasionally I still feel the tendency to be pulled towards depression, but now I have the tools to pull myself out of it before it becomes overwhelming — or even if it does become overwhelming. For me, being happy has become a choice that I can make, and which I consciously do make.
Peace & Love,
David
P.S. I’m a new reader, just having discovered Xylia Tales a week ago. It is excellent! I just love it. Keep up the good work.
February 1st, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Can I just say first off – like I have many times before- I really have the most awesome readers. Thank YOU all so much for sharing your stories, and challenges with me and everyone. It just goes to show that none of us is alone- even if we feel that we are sometimes, we really aren’t.
Thank you ALL for your courage: whether it be as a support to someone else, or just the wiliness to share with us how it is to face the unusual challenges of depression and anxiety. We all have our own paths- like David, he has found something that really is working- maybe this approach can help someone else, too!
Those of you who help others with coping, thank you SO MUCH for the insight there, and that along with the anguish does come reward.
I hope y’all know that you ‘kick ass’. (This is what my Texas sweetie likes to say when I…well…Kick Ass.)
Ultimately when you shine a light on this stuff, it’s often a lot harder for it to spread and grow. Thank you all!
Hugs,
~B
February 1st, 2010 at 7:06 pm
Barb, the lady in my life whose portrait you created is likewise so afflicted. It seems as though, when she goes through one of her periodic bouts of deppression, all I can do is simply try to be there. Often I feel as though I’m not doing enough even though, logically, I’m very limited in just what I can do. But I just try to ‘be there’ and she knows that. I tell her that I’m only a phone call away. Barb, from my own experiences, I know just how important “being there” can be and that keeps me going.
If, in some way, I can be of help, please, feel free to let me know.
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:15 am
I cope with depression too. For me, the first time as an adult was the worst. (I had it as a kid, just didn’t know what it was, and simply lived through it then.) It felt like I was trapped in a gray fog that would not allow any good feeling to get through to me. I was completely convinced that I would feel that bad for the rest of my life. Thank goodness that’s not how it turned out.
Having gotten through it once, the next time was not quite as bad, because I remembered that although it *feels* like it will last forever, it actually does ease, in time. I follow this advice from Courage to Heal when I feel at risk – go to a place that feels safe. In my case, it’s where I sleep. Promise to not injure myself. And stay in the safe place until I can leave it without risking my wellbeing. If that means staying put and just taking the next breath for a while, that’s acceptable.
For me, there were times when, although I did not want to die, it hurt so much that I simply did not know how I could live. I did it without knowing how.
Also, 21 years ago, after a bad breakup, I took a vow to live, despite how bad it hurt. Twice, keeping that vow has been the one thing standing between me and suicide. It held, and I’m still here, and glad I am. And then I became the person who listened for a young friend of mine, when she was in great pain, and making her own choice to live.
Suicide is one of the things that does not get talked about much. I am choosing to share what I’ve learned about it, from a lady with over 20 years of counseling experience.
I am talking with a counselor at the Women’s Resource Center, and she says this about suicide – we as support people can be doing and saying all the right things, but if the person is really determined, there may still be nothing we can do to stop them. She also says, suicide is a permanent solution to a *temporary* problem. We lose a lot of people because the depression feels permanent to them. And it’s a real feeling, yet the feeling is not letting us see the truth of the big picture, that if we find a way to live through, things can get better.
The bottom line is, each person makes their own choice.
My counselor says, it is very important to remember, if you are in caring contact with someone who suicides – what they chose is *not* your fault.
You did the very best you could do. And the very best you can do is the most *anyone* can do. To that, I add this viewpoint. It may be that all we can do is give them some memories of kindness to take with them. That is still worth the giving.
I urge us all to approach people with suicidal feelings with compassion, not judgement. I have been in really bad, deep pain myself, and lived through by
luck or stubbornness, not strength or skill. I have been within a breath of making that permanent choice myself. That does not make me bad, weak or confused, either then or now. It does mean that I am fortunate – I took the next breath. And the one after than, and on. It means I am a survivor.
Everyone here is a survivor too. And I’m glad we can help each other, by sharing our experiences. Thank you for listening.
Bless you all, Peg
February 3rd, 2010 at 12:30 am
Also, thank you Barb, for giving us this chance to talk and listen here. It’s not easy to admit to vulnerabilities, yet the sharing and support makes it worth the effort.